It's the funniest thing about the writing process: Just about the time you think you have a handle on something, it changes. I approached the I-Search process convinced that I would come out the other side with some burning desire to transform my Astrology I-Search, into my full length research paper. Now that I've spent some time researching the topic, I can tell you that is not the case. I wouldn't want to spend an entire semester living with this topic because there isn't enough science to back it. Not that I'm saying I need science to back everything I believe, but for an academic research paper, it's kind of important.
The flip side of that, is that I'm really getting excited about my I-Search on Tattoos. I wouldn't say that I'm completely clear on which direction it's going to take me at this point, but I think I have more options than I originally thought. One of the articles I came across in my research was talking about the ban on tattooing in NYC for 36 years because of a Hepatitis scare. Even though there wasn't a reported case of hepatitis that was linked to tattoos for more than 3 decades, the trade remained illegal, forcing artists to go underground. Many kept working, they opened shops in their apartments and drummed up business by word of mouth and recommendations from a friend of a friend of a friend. I haven't made the mental leap yet to understanding what this has to do with my original research questions: why are the stereotypes prevalent, how did they start, etc. I think it's in there though, and I also think I really want to keep exploring this ban in NYC, maybe look around and see if there was anything similar any where else and what contributed to it.
I knew when I chose this topic that I was connected to it, but I didn't expect that researching it would make me feel even more passionate about it. Just today I was talking to a friend of mine who has multiple tattoos, and I asked when he was getting his next one. He's been in the design phase for a long time. He said he doesn't know when he'll get a new one because his wife doesn't want him to get another one. Mind you, he had all of his current tattoos when they got married. I can't get my head around the idea that having tattoos is a big enough deal that he can't have more, but it wasn't a "deal breaker" when they met. It reminds me of this other guy I know who once told me that it's fine for guys to have tattoos but on a girl it's trashy. I haven't gotten my head around that yet either. Anyway, I'm rambling so I'll digress. It just bothers me that a person's personal choice of self-expression is of any matter of consequence to someone else.
My third I-Search is on Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Or, in a word, Sociopath. During last week's peer review, one of my classmates asked me why this topic. I didn't know how to answer. The truth is, it's because I know people with this disorder. If we're to believe the information my research has turned up, most of us know someone with this disorder because 4% of the population suffers from it. Even if they go undiagnosed. That's 1 out of every 25 people. Whether this disorder is caused by genetics or environment is debatable. I don't think it's an either or question. I think it's both. Maybe that's beyond the scope of my point right now though. My point now is that I know at least 2 people with this disorder. I've lived with these people. Which is why I wanted my paper to focus on any documented cases of people who have escaped, children of sociopaths particularly. Unfortunately, finding documented cases wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped. I'm not surprised. Every time I tell someone I know people with the disorder, and I'll be honest, I rarely tell anyone, they look at me like I've just told them I'm related to someone on the FBI's most wanted list. It's uncomfortable. I have enough issues reconciling the time I spent with these people with who I am now. It gets complicated when other people chime in, because inevitably, they always have some piece of unsolicited advice on how I should handle my "issues."
I'm rambling again. I just meant to say that I wouldn't expand the ASPD paper into a research project either for 2 main reasons. (1) I'm far too involved to do this paper with the kind of objectivity a good writer should have. I know that in a research paper, anecdotal evidence isn't usually required, but I've tried every which way to write the intro to this I-Search in an objective, unbiased manner while maintaining the honesty about why I chose this topic and...it's not there. I can't do it. Because the truth is, I chose it because I want to know if I'm the only person who has gone through this. I wanted to know if there were others and if they feel like I do. Which brings me to my 2nd reason: (2) Even if I were to throw away the rule book and include all kinds of crazy, anecdotal evidence to support my case, this isn't just my story to tell. I'm not the only person to come out of that house hold and I think I owe the others their privacy if nothing more. Besides that, in the medium of the academic paper, who would believe me? Maybe one day, when my attention span quadruples, I'll write a novel loosely based on all the craziness, but until then, I think it's better to shelve this one.
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