Blog #5/6 - Dig In

Every once in a while, there comes a moment where you know you've forgotten something, but you just can't figure out what. Lately, those "once in a while" moments have been more like daily occurrences for me. I have a serious time deficit and a surplus of people telling I've spread myself too thin. The reminder isn't helpful. I don't accept failure in myself. Yes, that adds an uncanny amount of pressure to my world, but it's how I'm wired. I've tried procrastinating. I've tried ignoring projects, skipping readings, skipping classes. Anything to force myself to relax my standards even just a little. None of it works. What does work for me is getting all of my projects out of the way as soon as I possibly can. Of course, these days ASAP is much more likely to be the very last second. Hence the stress.

It's times like these, when the going gets really tough, that most of the people I know advise me to do the "sensible" thing: let go of something. Drop a class, work fewer hours, stop striving for perfection on every project you face. They're not completely wrong. I've been around long enough to know that if I push hard enough, eventually, something will give. It always does. But not before I dig in. There comes a point when everyone and everything backs up on you and you're left with exactly two choices: fall apart, or dig in and push harder. I choose the latter.

Digging in has been a common theme in my world for the last week or so. Starting with "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and moving on through Eminem, I just can't escape it. When there's something wrong, something you don't like, push back. Change it. It won't be easy, the price may not even be fair, but put your head down and do it anyway. This isn't a new concept to me. In fact, most of it feels instinctive, so it always surprises me when I have this conversation with someone who wouldn't chose to dig in. Someone who looks at me like I've lost it completely. I had that conversation this morning, and maybe this is wrong, but I couldn't help laughing on the inside. What else can I do? I'm the girl that's been listening to Eminem's "Won't Back Down" on a loop for the last 10 days. I don't know how to quit.