Week 13 - Research updates

I've made a mistake and I've broken my own rules about writing. Last weekend, I went on a huge writing spree and attacked every project I could get my hands on. I managed to knock out a good 60% of my paper and I was happy at my place in the world. This was my mistake. I know better, especially with only 60% done, than to be happy at my place in the world while I'm in the writing process. Because inevitably, at some point, I will step out of the author's shoes and into the readers' shoes. When that happens I'll find every whole and flaw that exists in the paper and will leave myself fighting to quell the desire to press delete and start from scratch. I learned the hard way long ago that just because a paper isn't going where you thought it would, doesn't mean you need to run for "delete." Sometimes it's even good to take a side road.

I might even go as far as to say that is what's happening in my project right now. I've taken the time to talk in a circle around my point, and now I think (think being the key) I may be getting a handle on what exactly that point is. It started out that my point was simple: People with tattoos are judged as being bad people and that's not fair. In the course of my research, my point has spiraled out of control into many directions. It was a historical aspect, then it was a gender only aspect, but whichever angle it was, it was simply exploratory. No argument. No point. That's not the case anymore.

My point instead is this: All things being equal in terms of education and experience, a person who is not visibly tattooed will get the job before a person who is. Many companies, in fact are opting to implement policies regarding the visibility of their employees ink. They feel this is no different than asking an employee not to wear shorts in the office, but to "dress appropriately & professionally." But how do you define what is professional when the question is on some one's skin? How is this not just another form of the discrimination that lead to entire races being oppressed? The law will not allow employers to discriminate against religion, sex, age, sexual orientation, or race/ethnicity anymore, but tattooed people aren't considered in those laws. They should be.

I realize that there are people who have chosen to ink obscenities on their skin and perhaps someone might cringe at the idea of employers being forced to hire such a person. But that's a minority of tattooed people. The few do not represent the whole and to assume such would be as absurd as stereotyping all Hispanics as gang members or all Caucasians as supremacists. If someone who has tattooed obscenities also has a criminal record, of course that person wouldn't be hired, but that's another paper. My concern for this research project is the 24 year old grad student who feels like she can't wear short sleeves to the office in the summer because the butterfly tattoo with her little sister's name might peek out and cost her the job she's worked so hard to land. Or the 30 something guy who took a chance and followed his artistic dreams through his 20s but is job searching in the business sector now. Only he keeps getting turned away because his back piece is almost visible through a business shirt. These examples are hypothetical, but they're not unrealistic. Many of my sources have interviewed people who tell stories just like this and I think it's ridiculous. Tattoos are a form of self-expression. Sometimes art is the only form we have to express what we feel about someone or something and if the feeling is that strong, why not carry it on you're body? The only differences between a tattoo and a really long conversation is that the art isn't limited by language that can't engulf the emotion and if it's visible enough other people are forced to see it whether they want to or not.

I know the last part seems like the whole point of why people with tattoos should have to cover up, but I have to point to the long conversation again. People I don't know or like launch into long, detailed conversations with me all the time about their grandma's medical history and their boyfriend's lack of bathroom etiquette. I can't get away from them without being considered rude and they can't lose their jobs for forcing me to listen. But if one of my office mates catches a flash of my wrist tattoo, I have to wonder where my next paycheck will come from?  In the 21st century where every man has a cause how is that fair?

Week 12 - Research Project Update

One would think that after spending the better part of two years in the English department, writing nearly every day, it would b difficult to forget the process. Less the process and more how I get during the process actually. Somehow that's what I managed to do though. I'd forgotten how I live inside my papers and let them absolutely consume me. I'd forgotten why sometimes, just before a project was due, I'd be up pacing the floors, unable to focus on or talk about anything except the project I was consumed by. I remember now.

None of the writing assignments for any of my other classes compare to this one. None of them have as much of my attention as this one. I have found myself living inside this project to the point that tattoos are now being discussed with nearly everyone I run into. I was at the library with a friend last week, working on a project for a different class and within 10 minutes of being there I found myself debating this paper with him. He mentioned that he is "anti-tattoo" and that was all it took. I immediately launched into an interrogation about why he felt that way. Of course, knowing I'm inked, he backpedalled and said he's not really "anti-tattoo" just that he's never had the desire to be inked himself. We followed that up with a discussion of who gets hired first the tattooed or the non-tattooed person. Like many non-tattooed people he easily articulated that if the hiring is left to him and all education is equal, the non-tattooed person gets the job. Also like many non-tattooed people, he could not articulate the logic behind that answer beyond "they just do."

"They just do" isn't a good enough reason when someone with tattoos has to explain to their family why they lost out on a job opportunity. It's not good enough when this is the difference between food this week or no; between Christmas or no. As long as the images depicted in the tattoos are not offensive (eg, anti- anything or gang affiliated) and the person passes all the normal background screenings that a non-tattooed person would be subject to, why shouldn't they get the job? How is that not discrimination and where do we draw the line? Or isn't there one? Is this the equivalent of the pretty girl with flawless makeup getting the job over the one who is exhausted and it shows? What about the guy who is clearly gay but no one will ask? Go back 60 years to when the no one wanted to hire the black guy, or another 20 or 30 years before that when no one wanted to hire the woman. Where is the line?

There are so many interviews in some of my sources where people with tattoos talk about encounters they've had with other people. Not all of them are shocking, but one that stuck with me is from a young guy who didn't disclose to his employer the fact that he has a full back piece. One of his coworkers caught a glimpse of it by accident in a public gym and then began dropping comments in front of their boss that eluded to the idea that this man was inked. Despite his efforts to always wear dark shirts to that the piece is covered, the young man describes feeling trapped and blackmailed and as if he is stuck groveling to this other guy who is actually in an inferior position that his so that he won't expose his art.

Seriously? In 21st century America we have well-qualified business professionals playing elementary tattle tale games with other people's careers over a tattoo that isn't even visible? It's not as though this guy walks around the office shirtless.

I saw another piece on the Internet a day or so ago where a woman was stating that her Miami construction company required her to wear long sleeves to cover her tattoos in the summer to go out and mingle with the construction workers on site, many of whom were also tattooed. This girl is sporting sunflower tattoos and she's being forced to cover them in Miami in the summer on a construction site. That hardly seems fair or practical. I wonder if she were to succumb to heat exhaustion or heat stroke, and if she tried to sue the company for making her dress inappropriately, who would win? Their tattoo policy or her health?

As it stands I don't have a very defined thesis statement, but I'm writing my way toward one I think. I'm definitely managing to narrow my scope down to how having a tattoo, especially a visible tattoo effects a woman. So far I've knocked out 6 of my 10-12 page requirement and I haven't used half of my sources yet so I know the other 4-6 will be no problem. If anything I may end up needing to scale back. I also managed to finally write the last citation for my annotated bibliography. I've had the source forever and I've had it read and summarized, I just hadn't gotten to add it to the file. Now it's there too. 

If I know anything about me as a writer, and I'd like to think by now I do, it's that the hardest part of this paper is going to be the thesis statement and tweaking the intro. Those have always been my weaknesses. Oh, and focusing long enough to write, of course.

Week 9 - "Not Just For Bikers"

In "Not Just For Bikers Anymore: Popular Representations of American Tattooing" Margo DeMello examines the ways in which tattoos have been represented by mainstream American media, by academics, and by the people who wear tattoos. Early in her paper, DeMello talks about 4 different events she attended that held tattoos as the main focus. These events "were organized and attended by individuals eager to portray a new culture of tattooing, one that includes, not bikers and other "low lifes," but educated professionals..." (DeMello 38). For my research paper, I too am examining the shift from "primitive" tattooing to "fine art" tattooing and the impacts that shift has on society's desire to accept tattoos into out mainstream consciousness. As a writer, I know I'm supposed to be neutral when I analyze my sources, and I don't doubt that once I start writing my paper, I'll be able to do that. However, as a reader, this simple description stuck with me, "not bikers and other "low lifes," but educated professionals..." Bikers and "other low lifes?" So, we're counting bikers as low lifes in this article, yes?

I'm not entirely naive, I know that bikers have just about as bad of a reputation as people with tattoos and the tow are often synonymous. What bothers me is this: I'm a biker. I have tattoos. I'm not a criminal or a "low life" and I'm certainly not uneducated. Despite the fact that one of my tattoos is easily visible, I'm a working professional too. So, what does that make me? If tattoos and bikers were synonymous with criminal, uneducated low life and the tattoo community is being rehabilitated by "fine art" tattoos, then what am I? What do we call a college educated, working professional who happens to have tattoos and ride a Harley? What do we call my sister who has a Master's in Business and runs a $50 million global corporation, but also rides a Harley and is inked? I think we're definitely the face of the new tattoo generation, the movement that seeks to rehabilitate the way people view tattooed people, but does that rehabilitation extend to the Harley rider's image as well. I know that is irrelevant for my paper, but as a person...I wonder.

Reading the words "tattoo" and "low life" in the same sentence reminded me of being a kid and seeing tattooed people. That was always the attitude in my childhood. If someone had tattoos, they must be a bad person. So, if you're asking me why any of this matters, and most people are asking me exactly that when I say "tattoos" as a research topic, I'd say this: It matters because we're teaching intolerance. It matters because one day our toddlers will  be 22  and writing a research paper and what view do we want them to have? Do we want them to be intolerant and judgmental or do we want to impart the best of ourselves? Because it's not just about ink or no ink. It's about looking at something, anything that is different about another person and ostracizing them for it. It was race and gender for our grandparents, maybe it's tattoos and homosexuality for us.

Week 8 -- All Things Tattoos

It's that time of year. Midterms have come and gone and we're in the home stretch toward finals. As anyone who has ever gone thorugh the college process will attest, that sounds much more relaxing than it actually is. This is the part where we rely heavily on our planners and hope that we haven't lost track of any final projects. But we usually do. This where extra caffeine and late night cram sessions come in, even if we know better.

This is where I find myself, completely absorbed in the writing process for my tattoo research project. I'm trying out the following as an intro/research questions section for my annotated bibliography:

It’s not uncommon to see someone with a tattoo anymore. In fact, it seems that more people are embracing tattoos as an art and a form of self-expression than ever before. This shift in the way Americans think about tattooing has been relatively recent, appearing within the last 3 decades. I’d like to examine the reasons for this shift and hopefully answer the following questions:

1.      In what ways does society define or label people with tattoos. How have these labels changed as tattoos have become mainstream.

2.      How has tattooing changed over the last 30 years and how have these changes impacted the way society views tattoos.

3.      Has the acceptance of tattoos influenced the way artists are being trained or did the changes in artistic techniques affect the shift in society’s desire to embrace the practice?

Blog #5/6 - Dig In

Every once in a while, there comes a moment where you know you've forgotten something, but you just can't figure out what. Lately, those "once in a while" moments have been more like daily occurrences for me. I have a serious time deficit and a surplus of people telling I've spread myself too thin. The reminder isn't helpful. I don't accept failure in myself. Yes, that adds an uncanny amount of pressure to my world, but it's how I'm wired. I've tried procrastinating. I've tried ignoring projects, skipping readings, skipping classes. Anything to force myself to relax my standards even just a little. None of it works. What does work for me is getting all of my projects out of the way as soon as I possibly can. Of course, these days ASAP is much more likely to be the very last second. Hence the stress.

It's times like these, when the going gets really tough, that most of the people I know advise me to do the "sensible" thing: let go of something. Drop a class, work fewer hours, stop striving for perfection on every project you face. They're not completely wrong. I've been around long enough to know that if I push hard enough, eventually, something will give. It always does. But not before I dig in. There comes a point when everyone and everything backs up on you and you're left with exactly two choices: fall apart, or dig in and push harder. I choose the latter.

Digging in has been a common theme in my world for the last week or so. Starting with "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and moving on through Eminem, I just can't escape it. When there's something wrong, something you don't like, push back. Change it. It won't be easy, the price may not even be fair, but put your head down and do it anyway. This isn't a new concept to me. In fact, most of it feels instinctive, so it always surprises me when I have this conversation with someone who wouldn't chose to dig in. Someone who looks at me like I've lost it completely. I had that conversation this morning, and maybe this is wrong, but I couldn't help laughing on the inside. What else can I do? I'm the girl that's been listening to Eminem's "Won't Back Down" on a loop for the last 10 days. I don't know how to quit.

Bolg #4 - Compartmentalize

I pride myself on an uncanny ability to compartmentalize pretty much anything I need to. But I've noticed that takes a bit more effort than usual with this blog. I keep a personal blog too. It's where I go to ran, rave, whine, complain and pretty much say anything that I wouldn't dream of saying outside of cyberspace. It's where I muse over battles won and loves lost. It's the space that lets me make yet another vain attempt at understanding the messy project that is my life. Knowing that, I make a conscious effort to keep my personal ramblings out of this blog. I try to keep it somewhat more academic. It's easy enough to do on prompted weeks, but open weeks? That's a whole other playing field.

At first I couldn't figure out why this is, but I think I've finally hit on it. Every time a professor, and it's happened a lot lately, asks me to talk about the first thing that comes to mind, I realize it's personal. Not in that "No. I don't want to share because it's personal" way. Rather in the way that has made me realize just how far inside my  own head I am. It turns out that I'm not spending my days trying to figure an end to world hunger. I'm not looking to stop global warming. I'm certainly not entertaining any political agendas. I used to. I was a young idealist looking to change the world once. These days I'm looking to survive. If I get a free moment to think straight in my head it will probably be about whether or not my car can last the winter. What will I do if it can't? Did I remember to finish that last project at work? Is there an assignment due I'm forgetting? Because I'm always forgetting something. Of course there is always time to ruminate on why no one has managed to cure the common cold or better still, cancer, but even those are strictly personal agendas. The strange part about this revelation is I've realized I feel guilty about this.

Sitting in my Communications class where the papers being turned out are full of lofty goals and ideas for "real world changes," I'm trying to figure out how much it's going to cost me to fix my smashed bike mirrors. There has to be something wrong with that right? Even now, I'm sure this post should be about my paper. It would probably be better for me later on if I were getting some ideas down, but...I've got nothing.  

Blog #3 - I Search progress

It's the funniest thing about the writing process: Just about the time you think you have a handle on something, it changes. I approached the I-Search process convinced that I would come out the other side with some burning desire to transform my Astrology I-Search, into my full length research paper. Now that I've spent some time researching the topic, I can tell you that is not the case. I wouldn't want to spend an entire semester living with this topic because there isn't enough science to back it. Not that I'm saying I need science to back everything I believe, but for an academic research paper, it's kind of important.

The flip side of that, is that I'm really getting excited about my I-Search on Tattoos. I wouldn't say that I'm completely clear on which direction it's going to take me at this point, but I think I have more options than I originally thought. One of the articles I came across in my research was talking about the ban on tattooing in NYC for 36 years because of a Hepatitis scare. Even though there wasn't a reported case of hepatitis that was linked to tattoos for more than 3 decades, the trade remained illegal, forcing artists to go underground. Many kept working, they opened shops in their apartments and drummed up business by word of mouth and recommendations from a friend of a friend of a friend. I haven't made the mental leap yet to understanding what this has to do with my original research questions: why are the stereotypes prevalent, how did they start, etc. I think it's in there though, and I also think I really want to keep exploring this ban in NYC, maybe look around and see if there was anything similar any where else and what contributed to it.

I knew when I chose this topic that I was connected to it, but I didn't expect that researching it would make me feel even more passionate about it. Just today I was talking to a friend of mine who has multiple tattoos, and I asked when he was getting his next one. He's been in the design phase for a long time. He said he doesn't know when he'll get a new one because his wife doesn't want him to get another one. Mind you, he had all of his current tattoos when they got married. I can't get my head around the idea that having tattoos is a big enough deal that he can't have more, but it wasn't a "deal breaker" when they met. It reminds me of this other guy I know who once told me that it's fine for guys to have tattoos but on a girl it's trashy. I haven't gotten my head around that yet either. Anyway, I'm rambling so I'll digress. It just bothers me that a person's personal choice of self-expression is of any matter of consequence to someone else.

My third I-Search is on Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Or, in a word, Sociopath. During last week's peer review, one of my classmates asked me why this topic. I didn't know how to answer. The truth is, it's because I know people with this disorder. If we're to believe the information my research has turned up, most of us know someone with this disorder because 4% of the population suffers from it. Even if they go undiagnosed. That's 1 out of every 25 people. Whether this disorder is caused by genetics or environment is debatable. I don't think it's an either or question. I think it's both. Maybe that's beyond the scope of my point right now though. My point now is that I know at least 2 people with this disorder. I've lived with these people. Which is why I wanted my paper to focus on any documented cases of people who have escaped, children of sociopaths particularly. Unfortunately, finding documented cases wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped. I'm not surprised. Every time I tell someone I know people with the disorder, and I'll be honest, I rarely tell anyone, they look at me like I've just told them I'm related to someone on the FBI's most wanted list. It's uncomfortable. I have enough issues reconciling the time I spent with these people with who I am now. It gets complicated when other people chime in, because inevitably, they always have some piece of unsolicited advice on how I should handle my "issues."

I'm rambling again. I just meant to say that I wouldn't expand the ASPD paper into a research project either for 2 main reasons. (1) I'm far too involved to do this paper with the kind of objectivity a good writer should have. I know that in a research paper, anecdotal evidence isn't usually required, but I've tried every which way to write the intro to this I-Search in an objective, unbiased manner while maintaining the honesty about why I chose this topic and...it's not there. I can't do it. Because the truth is, I chose it because I want to know if I'm the only person who has gone through this. I wanted to know if there were others and if they feel like I do. Which brings me to my 2nd reason: (2) Even if I were to throw away the rule book and include all kinds of crazy, anecdotal evidence to support my case, this isn't just my story to tell. I'm not the only person to come out of that house hold and I think I owe the others their privacy if nothing more. Besides that, in the medium of the academic paper, who would believe me? Maybe one day, when my attention span quadruples, I'll write a novel loosely based on all the craziness, but until then, I think it's better to shelve this one.